Friday, January 11, 2008
What happens when you're stuck between what you think is right and what you think is wrong. You sit there criticizing other people for their behaviors and the actions they take..but then when it comes down to it, you do the same thing! I feel like I've betrayed my principles and my beliefs. I promised myself that after my freshman year of college, I would never ever do something as stupid as what I did tonight. I feel like I've betrayed myself..but at the same time, I'm thinking what's wrong with doing what you want to do, but then my heart belongs to another..another guy. A guy who's so sweet and sentimental...and the whole night..all I thought about was him. No other guy mattered, but yet I made the stupid move of making this guy believe that I was into him..which I was to a certain extent..but not as much as I was with the other guy. The problem is that I criticized others for the behavior...and yet i do the same thing. I'm such a hypocrite. I want love the real way...i don't know , not some random thing...I want to get to know the person ....but maybe I just have been so lonely that I somehow made myself available to this guy that I wasn't into...I don't know. I'm so confused. HELP!
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
Hope
"Hope" is the thing with feathers—
That perches in the soul—
And sings the tune without the words—
And never stops—at all—
-Emily Dickinson
Hope. I find myself living more through my dreams and day dreams than I do through reality. I find it easier to escape into my own world, where I get everything I want out of life which include, love, success--but then when reality hits, it's so easy for me to be disappointed. As a child, I remember creating my own scenarios...but nothing has changed...at the age of 21 I still find myself relying on my imagination to get me through the day. It's almost as if my imagination takes over reality and I become satisfied believing that I'm that famous musician or a big lawyer or someone who has found love. Yet knowing that my dreams aren't reality..I find myself disappointed, but then there's hope that someday I'll be able to make those dreams come true. Hope is a funny thing..no matter the circumstances, there's always that little bit of hope that things will turn out the way you want them to. I fall for that every single time. There's so much I want to do with my life, but can't because my insecurities are too great to overcome. If I was more confident in myself.. I'd be able to do so much with my life. I'm really lucky to have such a great family and friends...and they support me so much and believe in me so much that I don't understand why it's so hard for me to believe in myself.
As much as I lack confidence, there's that little bit of hope that keeps me going through each day... As Emily Dickinson says, Hope is a tune without words that never stops. Maybe if I keep on hoping, things will change for the better..and my dreams will become reality...and I will no longer have to live through my dreams...but make my dreams a reality, as corny as it sounds.
That perches in the soul—
And sings the tune without the words—
And never stops—at all—
-Emily Dickinson
Hope. I find myself living more through my dreams and day dreams than I do through reality. I find it easier to escape into my own world, where I get everything I want out of life which include, love, success--but then when reality hits, it's so easy for me to be disappointed. As a child, I remember creating my own scenarios...but nothing has changed...at the age of 21 I still find myself relying on my imagination to get me through the day. It's almost as if my imagination takes over reality and I become satisfied believing that I'm that famous musician or a big lawyer or someone who has found love. Yet knowing that my dreams aren't reality..I find myself disappointed, but then there's hope that someday I'll be able to make those dreams come true. Hope is a funny thing..no matter the circumstances, there's always that little bit of hope that things will turn out the way you want them to. I fall for that every single time. There's so much I want to do with my life, but can't because my insecurities are too great to overcome. If I was more confident in myself.. I'd be able to do so much with my life. I'm really lucky to have such a great family and friends...and they support me so much and believe in me so much that I don't understand why it's so hard for me to believe in myself.
As much as I lack confidence, there's that little bit of hope that keeps me going through each day... As Emily Dickinson says, Hope is a tune without words that never stops. Maybe if I keep on hoping, things will change for the better..and my dreams will become reality...and I will no longer have to live through my dreams...but make my dreams a reality, as corny as it sounds.
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